I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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