What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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