I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
