so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
birth control should be required to get into college
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
