Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
