fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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