In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
