im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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