I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
