OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
