zippers are such a cool invention
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
