Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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