I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
