Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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