YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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