I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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