You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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