Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
