I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
