Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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