Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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