just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My penis needs a shock collar
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
