your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
