considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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