Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize