Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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