just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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