can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
