he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
