She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
