You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
