Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
