She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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