Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
