I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
