im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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