Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
