Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
its not stalking. its research.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
