You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
