Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
