He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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