We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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