just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
