I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
