he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
