I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
