You smell like stripper and shame
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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