So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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