my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Acid is not a monday night drug
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i think my cat just said my name.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
