Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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