Kiss
Puke
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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