We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
