a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize