The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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