she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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