Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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