I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
