And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
