I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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