Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
