Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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