where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
