I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
