I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
