I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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