How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
