Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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