Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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