Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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