he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
