he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
