If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
