I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
