dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
