I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
