The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
