So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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