plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
3pm strippers are depressing
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
