Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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