remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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